As a hypnotherapist working with Women drivers to build their confidence and overcome their fear of driving, I am often asked where to start to feel better about getting in the car. In this blog, I’ll teach you how you can start to feel more at ease about taking your next trip, whether it’s the school run or that road that feels so big inside your head that you’d love to finally conquer it.
When I first start working with Women there are a few common themes that repeat, not only in each woman I meet but also within their fear cycle. Some experience building a routine which is the only way they feel comfortable getting in the car. Only able to cope with items like a bottle of water or an over-emphasis on engine checks, tyre changes, and having a fully charged phone (in case of emergency). Others, go into over-planning mode; route checking for temporary traffic lights, avoiding motorways, or hyper-focus on the weather and the problems that could cause on the road. For some, they experience all of the above and more.
Phobias or fears (however you describe your struggle) are characterised by an irrational or disproportionate fear of exposure to situations, places, people, animals, or objects. For anxious drivers this may be an irrational fear to other road users, a fear of unpredictable objects like cyclists, motorcyclists or children running down the road, fast drivers, exposed roads like motorways, and adversely little villages roads where two cars are expected to pass without clear boundaries of who has the right of way. Some fear traffic lights and the anticipation of the light turning Red or green, whereas some find the pressure of having someone waiting behind them too much to cope with, and the internal judgment of others hard to dial down in their minds. All of which can be triggering or even spiral-inducing. And to make matters worse, none of this necessarily needs to happen when driving. It can simply occur when trying to get to sleep. Considering all of the worst-case scenarios to feel safe, by knowing how they'd react if the worst did happen. Feeling the fear more and more.
Curiously our mind doesn’t need to actually be driving the car and seeing the perceived danger to experience the feelings, thoughts, and physical sensations that come with it. We can experience a 12-car pile-up on the motorway without even stepping into the car. And because our mind can tell the difference between reality and the worst-case scenario it has created the fear grows even stronger.
Have you ever had a passenger press an imaginary brake when you are driving? Or maybe you were the one who was pressing the brake. This gives you a small taste of what irrational or disproportionate fear can feel like. Now, imagine feeling that every time you drive. Even, when there is seemingly nothing of danger to be alarmed about. Now, imagine all of the physical sensations that come with that, heart palpitations, sweaty palms, tingling fingers and toes, and cold sweats. Tension in your neck, jaw, and arms from holding on tightly to the wheel. Overthinking, what could happen, and an out-of-control feeling.
Unless you have experienced a panic attack or anxiety behind the wheel it’s difficult to fully understand why someone might pull off from a Go sign a little slower than you would. But for those who have anxiety or have experienced a panic attack when driving, it can be all-consuming. The outside spectator is none the wiser as to what is going on beneath the surface.
Anxiety gets a bit of a bad rap, but when it is working for you it helps you to meet deadlines, stops you from falling, or helps you to consider dangers before you take a leap of faith. However, when out of control it can perceive danger in everything and everyone. Keep you in an unhealthy loop of overthinking, globalising danger, and catastrophising a simple task. And because it is human nature to be good at things and perfect the process, the overthinking and efficiency that comes with practiced overthinking means that we can quickly get ourselves into a state of panic where whereas, others seem to handle the same situation so much more easily than we do.
The Good news is that weirdly anxiety has already given you the skills to overcome this fear. All you need to do is point your focus in the right direction. The subconscious mind works for you!
The Reticular Activating System and how it works for you
If you think there is danger everywhere your mind goes to work and sets about making that belief true. It starts to find evidence to support your belief even sometimes ignoring evidence to the contrary. It’s called the Reticular Activating System or RAS for short. It’s kind of like a filter because negative experiences (real or imagined) tend to get stuck in the RAS. Imagine a dome over your brain which is full of thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and experiences from your past. And because it’s so crammed it keeps repeating these old and outdated negative thoughts, habits, and feelings keeping you stuck.
Until you decide to give it a clean. You get to clean the filter of those old outdated habits, thoughts, and feelings that no longer support you and you decide what you want the RAS to focus on. You can essentially change the focus from Negativity to Positivity. By doing this you bring your RAS into perspective so that, it only sees things of real danger and it stops receiving all of the other things as immediate danger. And you get to start seeing, hearing, and feeling what a good driver you are and you start enjoying it. I know right?
You get to go from;
Negative thoughts - I hate driving or I can’t drive or I think I’m going to have an accident and I can’t cope…
to
Positive thoughts - I love driving; I can easily drive down that road now. I can live freely and get in the car and drive anywhere, at any time. I can apply for any job as I can drive anywhere now.
Almost like flipping a coin, because if you can use your mind to imagine the worst, you can use your mind to imagine the best-case scenario. When you use your mind to imagine the best outcome you teach your reticular activating system to focus on how well you are doing. You, get to move the dial based on what you spend your free time thinking about.
Your words matter!
The stories that you tell yourself (about yourself) are so crucial. If you keep repeating the same old stories and the same old mistakes or failures when driving or about driving, your RAS looks for more of those to back up the belief you have about yourself.
However, when you change your focus from driving anxiety to driving freedom you get to put your RAS to work to start looking for evidence that you are good at driving, that you did feel good, and that you can do it. Interestingly the more you do this, the more it happens. And because that feels good your RAS looks for more and more evidence and you start enjoying driving more and more, all the time your confidence builds and builds. Sooner or later you’ve forgotten all about those old habits, thoughts, feelings, and sensations you had when you used to struggle to drive because all you can focus on is how great it feels to be free to drive anywhere that you like. And the best bit is that you did it!
Now you may not think that you currently have any control over your driving anxiety but you do. You can choose to make a conscious decision before, during, or after whichever way works best for you to look for what went well. Set your RAS the job of seeing, feeling, and thinking what went well today. How well did I do when I drove to work or what went well when I had to park the car in that tight space, or I drove down that road that scared me and I did it, and next time I can do it again. Energetically you start to feel the difference. So that when you start saying, thinking, feeling, and looking for evidence that supports a positive outcome your RAS starts showing you the evidence and all you have to do is a little work upfront.
How to reframe a negative belief or thought into a positive belief or thought.
Reframing is a technique that involves changing how you think about a situation to help manage your feelings and physical response. It’s a way to break negative thought patterns and choose a more positive thought that relates to your experience. Reframing helps you to point your RAs in the right direction.
Here are some tips for reframing:
Identify negative thoughts: Notice when you're having a negative thought. Writing it down is a useful way to see through negative thoughts and see them for what they really are. Most of the time they are fear-inducing and frankly not true.
Challenge the thought:
Ask yourself if the thought is true. And if there is evidence to support it. |If the answer is no reframe it.
It is logical to think this way - if the answer is no reframe it.
How helpful is it to you or others to think this thought? If the answer is no reframe it
Consider other perspectives: See the situation from a different, more optimistic lens.
Replace the thought, build a picture, and add positive emotions to it:
Replace the thought: Try to replace the negative thought with a more positive or realistic one.
Use empowering language: Choose words that reflect your beliefs and goals, and that help you feel in control.
Use visual aids: Try sketching or creating a doodle to illustrate the situation in a humorous way. Or imagine a new movie or this experience. Add the feeling you feel when you believe this new thought, how does it make you feel to enjoy driving again?
Practice mindfulness - Reframing can become more natural with practice - Think new thoughts and feelings when using calm breathing or meditation.
It takes perseverance as your subconscious mind will always comfortably fall back on old habits and thoughts for comfort, even if they are no longer helpful. If you struggle, come back to it later, and keep coming back to it, until it becomes your default belief or thought about yourself and your driving.
Credits:
Mel Robbins – The High Five Habit (the reticular activating system)
The many amazing women I have helped to overcome their fear of driving so that they can get in the car and have fun again!
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